


Vampire Dandruff

by tbmd1066



Series: Hot Potato Prompts [10]
Category: The Importance of Being Earnest - Wilde
Genre: Crack, Drugs, Marijuana, not the drug, sorry about this abuse of literature, the genre
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-03
Updated: 2014-08-03
Packaged: 2018-02-11 12:57:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2069097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tbmd1066/pseuds/tbmd1066
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The characters from TIOBE get baked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vampire Dandruff

Silence. Nothing but silence. Algernon and Jack sat in the living room of the manor, waiting for misses prism and Cecily to return from gardening. The two women had told them that they were going to pick some sorts of plants for baking. Jack had suggested that they bake kiesh to calm down. Algernon had only just dropped by un announced and the argument had just ended. 

"So…Jack….I AM allowed to stay, aren't I?" He questioned, arms crossed and one leg over the other. 

"Algernon, I already told you that you can stay, so quite asking me questions. I don't wish to speak to you at the moment." He huffed and fixed his hair, moving it away from his eyes. 

"Fine fine…" Just then, Miss Prism and Cecily came through the door, very excited. They were each holding a basket of some strange leafy green plant. 

"What on earth is that, miss Prism?" Jack asked, siting forward in his seat to take a look. 

"Oh, just a small thing to bring…'fun' to the food. Why don't we get to cooking then, hm?" She said, giggling and looking at them. Jack and Algernon looked confused while Cecily was excited.

They all began to hurry around the kitchen and get to work.

As Jack was pulling various cooking utensils out of drawers, he let out a small series of wheezing noises stumbled backwards with his mouth gaping open.  The others looked at him, worried.

"Are you OK? Should I get help?" Cecily asked filled with worry.  Jack managed to suck in a large breath, and let a massive burp rip through the air.  The others groaned as the scent of stale Doritos invaded their nostrils.  Algernon in particular seemed to be the most thrown off by the scent, and he fell to the floor unconscious.  

Jack, who had now recomposed himself, stared at the limp body.  "We should probably do something about that."

"Is he dead?" 

"Nah, nah." Cecily said, waving her hand. "Just stoned as fuck."

"Ah, cool." Jack flopped onto his brother. "What a loser. Who wannas play pac-man?" he slurred.

"Fuck that cum-guzzling anal bead." Gwendolyn said. "I hate pac-man."

"Yeah, got that." Cecily said. 

"Can you imagine that though?" Jack said. "Just imagine pac-man uncontrollably guzzling cum." he said. He began laughing hard. 

"Well, what do you want to do?" Gwendolyn asked as Jack cackled wildly in the background. 

"I want to grow a pair of pants,"

'Why?" asked Gwendolyn. "You cannot _grow_ a pair of pants, Jack. They must be mended by the seamstress, you daft dimbo!"

"Gwendolyn! What are you saying?! How dare you call me a daft dimbo! I am the sovereign of this home, you wench!" Jack slapped Gwendolyn across the face with extraordinary force. And then nothing happened, because this is the nineteenth century and women are not people yet.

In a whirlwind of smoke and glitter, a wild Justin Bieber suddenly appeared in the living room. Lady Bracknell gasped. "What on earth is this flamboyant abomination?"

"I am Justin Bieber, bitch!" Justin Bieber sang. And then he smacked Lady Bracknell across the face, which was okay because she _was_ actually kind of a bitch. And just as quickly as he had arrived, he vanished, in another puff of vampire dandruff and purple air wisps.

"Balls, man. That was trippin'!" Algernon said. "If I have a grandson and he's like that, I can die a happy man,"  
  
And alas, the flamboyant, slightly overdressed, immensely overeducated Algernon Moncrieff's family tree evolved into the infamous Bieber over the next four generations. So you can thank Oscar Wilde for that untalented, twinkly piece of shit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Cards:  
> Getting really high  
> Quiche  
> Dorito Breath  
> Pac-man uncontrollably guzzling cum  
> Grow a pair  
> Justin Bieber


End file.
